So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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