so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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