He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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