I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Randomize
