dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The Olympian is in my bed
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
