Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
