i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
