You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
