I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
