i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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