Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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