come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
