We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
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Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
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I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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