i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
