3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize