We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
