dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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