so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
