Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
