Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.