I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.