You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.