Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.