Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize