I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.