You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
