How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
