im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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