which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
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My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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