youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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