I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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