So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
