Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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