...so i touched it.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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