Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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