hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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