When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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