Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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