Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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