it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my being single is dangerous.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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