am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
