I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
