Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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