there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
COCAINE IS GR8
A bitchslap is in order.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
