I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
