Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
