plz talk dirty to me
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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