Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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