I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
