He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
