wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
