I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
