I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
