He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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