every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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