Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
