Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
