He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize