There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
