State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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