New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
