You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
