so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize