cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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