I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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