Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
