i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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