Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize