Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
