I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
