I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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