they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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